Marcia's Musings: The Heart as Guide and Messenger
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I lay on the massage table, the therapist’s hands moving my limbs, spine, and neck in ways I thought impossible to relieve the after-effects of being struck by a driver in heavy freeway traffic last May. That hard hit to the rear of my car turns out to be one of those events that for a long time, and perhaps forever, splinters life into “before” and “after”. The adept, intuitive hands manipulated muscles, fascia, bones, and other connective tissue in ways that surprised me and allayed some of the fear that I will never move with ease again. Before and after.
My mind wandered throughout the nearly two hours on the padded, heated table. It roved freely because safe hands held my body, and it landed gently on intense feelings of delight and satisfaction in that present moment.
The joy I feel in this season of life stems from my close-in family, now including a grandchild, scion of my strong, interesting son and his lovely (in all ways) wife; a devoted, dynamic daughter in love with a solid partner who claims a place in my heart; a solid, respectful relationship with the father of these two children, and friends old and new. Joy flows, too, from the rewards realized in the fifteen years since launching the first Green Lotus a half-mile from my Lakeville home, which permitted smooth work-life balance.
Every day since November 2007 when Lakeville opened, guests and students share stories of change and challenge, too, and enrich my life more than I’d even imagined. My home shelters and sustains me; I love expressing myself through its coziness and beauty – it stands as a living canvas of one of my artistic expressions, writing, speaking, and fashion being the others. Most of the time I feel physically strong, mentally engaged, emotionally accessible to myself and others. And yet.
And yet, my heart whispers of new deep longings. They echo faintly. I strain to pick up phrases and images of what comes next: leading retreats and teaching when I choose; developing different channels for my writing and speaking; living for brief periods in other countries and cities, including near the precious grandson; playing more and working less in the uninterrupted leisureliness of unscheduled time. I long to give back by resuming volunteering for causes that advance love and equality. Because I cannot yet clearly decipher these many whisperings of my heart, I must engage in the practice of patience as I wait for the full reveal. I can do it because I trust my heart which never lets me down if I listen and feel. My heart steps forward to speak to me most clearly when I meditate and engage in internal personal inquiry, especially in practices like Yoga Nidra, mindfulness meditation, and mindful movement, and when I symbolically “bathe” in nature by spending as much time with her as possible.
Trusting your heart demands not only deep listening, but also deep feeling. You cannot think your way to discovering your heart’s deepest longing. You must hear and feel it and then give it voice, clearly and compassionately. Giving it voice means making choices - and owning and facing those choices, some of which will initially cause discomfort. What will people think? How will it play out? Do I possess the stamina and other resources for this change? Is it worth the inherent risk that change often involves?
What about your heart? In seasons of natural reflection – the solstices, for example, and other dates of meaningful ritual and introspection like Christmas, Hannukah, Diwali, Kwanza, Ramadan, whatever is important to you – the heart seeks to be heard. I encourage you to write to capture what you are hearing, to read those stories and poems that support your heart, to listen rather than to petition, to feel rather than to think as you invite your heart to step forward in its role as major guide and messenger. As the end of another year and the beginning of a new one approach, what is your heart whispering or shouting? Are you listening? Are you feeling?
